Let Downs!

 I am feeling let down because of something that happened. I had been waiting for a while to meet a friend and finally planned to meet this friend today. Then in a train of events things just went downhill. Basically they had an issue where another friend had parked a car in front of their house and there was a big commotion in their colony and they had to cancel on our plan instead. Now for me this is a big let down because I had put this time aside for them, not to mention the much awaited joy of meeting them had suddenly come crashing down. 

How does this make me feel? Why do I feel like this? What did I end up doing? What can I do about it now? 

This incident takes me into a place of dullness with a pinch of sadness. There were so many other things that could've happened that would not have led us into this space. I held expectations that I possibly should not have. Is it right to trust someone's word and put in the expectations? A very tough question for me to answer personally as my heart says trust and my mind says reconsider. Where is the balance? In this moment I can not see where my sweet balance lays, specially when it comes to this particular incident. Based on my personality I know I will end up being there for them whenever they shall need me, but should I? Why not? Yes, it is energy consuming to always be there for someone but not understand if they value you and your time or not. It is my own mind that is taking things out of proportions. It is not that big of a let down as my mind makes it out to be. It shakes me, yes, because there are expectations and emotions involved. The moment I realize it is all self caused I can drop this burden and start looking at the positives again! And my friend there are a lot of positives to the situation starting from the fact that I have a person like you in my life! Someone who is there to support me through my thick and thins. Someone who openly wants to talk about things in an attempt to find solutions. 

I ended up ostracising this friend by saying "maybe the universe does not want us to meet" which to a certain extent it true, the universe is causing obstacles in the present moment for which reason we can not meet. I'm just finding it tough to hold my patience through this process. I am sitting here wearing my Temperance sweatshirt which is all about patience and balance yet that is exactly what is straying away from me. Now if the universe is limiting us from meeting in the present, do I give into the idea of never meeting this friend again or should I hold onto the hopes and my trust in universe for causing it in the right time? Or on a bigger picture should I trust my universe to such an extent that it's causing in my life whatever is best from me, meet this friend or not. 

I SHALL FOCUS ON BEING MYSELF THROUGH MY THICK AND THIN AND THAT IS ALL I HAVE IN MY CONTROL!!

Being a human was never meant to be easy, we are all flawed. Only standing for myself is one of the toughest things to do. Being an open hearted person I always want to pour outwards and sometimes in that process being myself goes for a toss. Now the line that I wrote up there about being myself,  again is a flawed concept in my personal opinion, but it is the only logical solution I see and that is why humans are flawed and never easy to be a human. It's these constant dilemmas that makes the feeling of being human so tough, we're constantly working to be perfect instead of loving our flaws. 

Letting your own self down is what I did and what I tend to do quite often when thing are going well in my life and impatience kicks in. My mind starts spiralling in the wrong direction and then actions follow in those steps too. Actions are followed by reactions and the emotions start to plummet. Once you have reached that place it is so hard to even bring your awareness to it, let alone fixing the mess that you have caused in the meanwhile. Now as things stand I can go aggressive in an attempt to fix this situation that I have put into peril, or I can start focusing back on my Temperance and find my patience and balance. I shall try and meet this friend once again on a day we had earlier discussed and then if things do not go through, I shall then only try to meet this friend in a couple of weeks time. If I had not felt all of this heartbreak and betrayal I might have never reached this realization that what I did was due to impatience and bleeding emotions and I would not have learnt my lesson of holding my patience going forward. Where there was Sunlight I basked in it, when night came in confused it for a storm and next morning started with that storm and not the sunlight. I think I have to start seeing clearly when there is night and when there is rain for they are two very different things. Nights are unclear and full of surprises where in rains are considered to be gloomy!  


HAVE THE ABILITY TO LOOK PAST THE RAIN AND CLOUDS TO FIND THE SUN, A BEACON OF PURE POSITIVITY!!!