Self healing journey

To living a simple life where you are who you are, where you're not playing different roles in front of different people.  You have to stop lying to yourself. Be genuine, be true to yourself. If you don't know your truth, how will you be genuine. Accepting who you truely are is equally important, that's where the journey starts at transforming into who you want to be. 

 Why am I afraid to put myself out there? What is this fear? How does it affect me? What is the trade off? How can I better my situation? What effects should I hope for? I guess I am afraid to put myself out there because of multiple reasons. One of them being my insecurity of how I look, another being the fear of underachieving.  But until I put myself out there I can not understand myself, my sexuality. The tradeoff I make by doing this is limiting my own creativity. I need to open up, forget the lost opportunities and look up to the present. Here is where life lays, "not the past, nor the future." I hope after this understanding, I stop blocking my own creativity and my expression of sexuality. 

 I've been singing quite a bit over the last few months and have been really enjoying it!! Turns out I really like the way I sing. Though I must admit, I am quite shit at remembering lyrics. I shall keep singing!!

 Why does this affect me? It stops me from being my true self in certain situations where I feel inferior to others. Can i accept the fact that everyone is built different and I am the way I am?  Ofcourse I cab accept that everyone is made different. Some are beautiful on the outside, some inside and some both as well. But do you want to be better than someone else or do you want to be your true self? BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU!!! Vulnr (Yes I completely hashed that up) VULNERABILITY FIRST WITH YOURSELF, THEN OTHERS. Vulnerability: being naturally yourself, fuckups happen, own them.  I AM SO BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE. Not to brag but a much better soul than MOST people I've met. Do note I've 10s and 1000s of people in my life and still say this. So what I don't make the best first impression on people? People start chilling with me and then realize the gem of a person I am! If people can't connect with me just because of the way I look, it just shows me how shallow some peop...

 Keep your senses open and active at all times. Smell the freshness of the rain as well as the garbage in the bins to decide whether you want to enjoy the rains or clean out the dirty smell. Touch and feel things that gauge your curiosity. Something may look hard like a rock but unless you touch it/feel it, you won't know it's an orange. Seeing things for what they truely are but also what they could be. Seeing a bird fly you could see how it flutters its wings, how it glides and then paces back up. Seeing how the birds may be sitting close to you being lost in their own thing but also the constant awareness that the bird holds. Looking into the patterns in which the birds fly could help you gauge an insight into their psyche.  There is so much out there to observe, absorb and learn from!

 Spending time with the people you want to, doing things that you love. Be it driving, listening to music, dancing, a good heartfelt conversation, XYZ... What that helps to achieve is that pure inner joy that we quite often also forget to acknowledge is there. In a very broad sense of speaking, truely a state of momentary bliss. We are so focused on finding a state of complete bliss that we forget to see the moments where this bliss actually does exist. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO FEELING AT PEACE AND RECOGNIZING WHAT MADE YOU FEEL THAT WAY!!

 There are some people that in your perception at first glance seem like they vibe well with you. But then once you spend some time with them you just can't help but see how lost people are in the stories that they have created in their lives. LIVING A LIFE FULL OF LIES. These people are fake without even knowing. These people are so lost that they can't get past the surface and any conversations with people like these lacks a depth. It's a very saddening feeling when you realize that people are also living so far away from reality, lost in their own minds. Helping these people is something I've been doing for a while but I have got to understand that 1 should only help someone who truly asks for help from the bottom of their heart. If you keep putting in so much energy into others that may not even want/deserve it, you're only hampering yourself. GUILT TO LET GO!  LET GO OF PEOPLE!  DROP THIS GUILT AND MOVE FORWARD!

 Music moves me physically and emotionally beyond bounds. But what it also does is help me connect to my spirituality through meditation like breathing and movement on music. For me the music I listen to, makes that moments vibe within me flow. Music is such a beautiful tool, it can be used to shift your feelings, inner-compass in whatever direction you want to. See what vibes with you bro! I know there is a lot and thats beautiful. But also look within for what your inner-compass is asking for. The true power of live music being performed is something I don't feel everyone understands. You do, be grateful for it. The true and present emotions of the artist taking over your emotions and you, yourself into a state of trance. THE POWER OF CREATION TRUMPS ALL OTHER FEELINGS!!

 So I wanted to also work on being more aware of my actions and their reactions, as I was yesterday when I realized that my day started with having all of my stuff that I was carrying all organized. But as the day went by and and the uncertainty in my new years plans came into being, I realized that I had to make a constant effort towards re-organizing my stuff constantly! So in a sense of speaking, looking back at the actions performed/ or seeing the day unfold you get such a beautiful insight into your psyche!! KEEP YOUR PHYSICAL SPACE CLEAN AND SEE YOUR MENTAL SPACE CLEAN UP!! and visa-versa!! Let this energy flow through into all areas of your life. Let it bring to you, calmness to be yourself and have your space (Mental, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Inspirational, etc...) feel comfortable for yourself.